Food Allergy Awareness Week - May 13-19, 2018 - Without judgement...

As part of Food Allergy Awareness Week 2018, which commences on May 13th, a personal tale of how becoming a food allergy parent can impact long established friendships.

Trigger warning: This piece describes feelings of fear of loss and experiences of social exclusion. Please consider your personal well being before continuing further.

---------------------------------------

I am 'that mum'. Undoubtedly, I am 'that mum'. I used to feel a shame - not of her allergy, but of the way it made me behave. I felt the shame you gifted, and I owned it, carried it and, sometimes, in the darkest moments, nursed it. For a while, and sometimes still occasionally, I let it wear me down and own me. I let it define me.

I see every side eye, every eye roll, and every side mouthed whisper. I am the helicopter parent, the over reactor. I am the woman who makes a situation difficult or awkward. I am no longer the chilled, laid back, person who just went with the flow. I am different, to you and to how I used to be, and just that little bit inconvenient. I am tired.

I am a woman who instinctively likes to please. I like a peaceful life where everyone is happy and no one is hurt or offended. I like to be liked. I do not like confrontation - it hurts my soul - so it took me a while, to thicken my skin and stand firm and be clear. Nothing is worth the safety of my child. It will always be there, front and centre in my mind and I don't understand how that doesn't make sense to you.

I will take your looks, your judgemental comments, and your flippant remarks. I will take your ignorance and I will keep going. I will keep learning - from the scientists, the specialists and from my peers. I will keep listening to advice and I will keep selecting our own path, because I am the one who is there in her panic and her pain and I am the one that carries the fear. I am not an expert in her allergy, but I am an expert in her. I see the mood shifts, the change in breathing patterns, the aggravation of her skin, and the look in her eye. I hear the lies she will tell to downplay how she feels. I see the tears, the fear and the disappointment, but I see the bravery and determination. I see her strength, her resilience and her confidence.

I miss who I was too - but not enough to risk her health, her life. It shouldn't need saying that I love her too much for that. I miss the friendship that we had - just not enough to put myself through the wringer of your judgement. It's taken a bit of time, but I've learned to love myself too much for that.

This isn't about your knowledge, or lack of. No one gets it like I do, of course, but they don't need to. They just need to try, without judgement.

-----

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this piece, please consider whether you would benefit from accessing relevant support.

https://helplines.org/helplines

#foodallergyawarenessweek2018 #foodallergy #foodallergyparent #friendship #faaw2018 #allergyawareness #allergyawareness