Handling the Holidays - New season blues.
- HIGHCROFT WRITING
- Oct 12, 2018
- 6 min read
We are nearing the end of the summer holidays. Summer break, as you may know it, is very nearly over. My feelings are mixed.
The first few weeks of the holidays my daughter was visibly more relaxed. With less weight on her shoulders she was a joy to be around. It was infectious. We had no plans and so we idled from day to day with late mornings and afternoon walks or local trips out. We rolled from one moment to the next.
About 4 weeks in, this shifted. Winter seemed to arrive early, and my daughter began to want more mental stimuli in a sharp 'switch-up' that I was not quite prepared for.
Following the same pattern as previous developmental leaps, but likely also impacted by her readiness for a change, her energy became exhausting. Suddenly the thought of school a couple of weeks away did not seem like such a bad thing after all.
I know that part of this is my own tiredness. My daughter does not have an off button. Never has. She wasn’t a napper, she cannot sit still beyond one children’s tv programme, and her questions never end. Never. Not even if you ask nicely. She is pure delight to be around if you have the energy, she sparkles - an effervescent little human that never stops fizzing, but it can be draining if you don’t.
With just over one week to go, we had a bank holiday. It should not have affected us. We had been home together the whole summer, so for us is should have been no different a day. Yet it flicked a switch. The weather turned decidedly wintery and it seemed like summer was over before it had really started. We cancelled two thirds of our plans because, frankly, they would have been too wet to enjoy. We stayed home, baked, played games and did puzzle books. They were days we would have enjoyed at some other time, but it felt very much like a sad way to end a holidays that, in hindsight, never really 'happened'.
Whilst we have always loved autumn, especially the leaf kicking walks and getting wrapped up warm, we were not quite ready to say goodbye to summer. We have but one week left. With chores and responsibilities, our days together will all too quickly be gone.
We are both due to start a new, likely more challenging, phase in our lives and so we are suddenly simultaneously ready and yet not quite ready for change. We are sad to lose the security and relative ease that we've had, but know things needs to alter for us to move forward. There's also a little bit of feeling that we might have wasted a precious gift, but we did it our way and we are likely now readier than we otherwise would have been. So I tell myself.
That one ‘bank holiday’ was the prompt that brought all this to the fore.
It is often theorised that ‘holidays’ today, though they have generally lost most of their original meaning, are still markers in our year and, as such, in our lives. Like any marker, they make us consider where we are, where we’ve come from and where we want to be - a perfect storm for playing with your mind and making you question your overall happiness. I’ve always gone with the theory that if you feel like you need a change, then you likely need a change - however it might not necessarily be the change you’re initially drawn to. I’m the cautious type and not a big fan of rushing in to big changes that you can’t always roll back on. I’ve found it can bite you in the bum. I’m a managed change advocate, which probably explains my 'career' leanings, and if you’ve read 'The 4 R's - Dealing with disappointment', you’ll know I like to use the 4 R’s when I start thinking a little too much. For me, this also applies to the seasonal change points.
1. Reflect - Be gentle with yourself. Remember things never look as rosy when your mood is deflated. You tend to see the darker elements and shy away from the light. Are you just a little sad and will this pass? A little time focusing on self care, and the positives, can sometimes be all that’s needed to lift you out of a fug. In our case, we’ve decided to accept and embrace the seasonal change. We weren’t ready to give up on summer, but autumn has its gems and we’ll start looking forward and focusing on those. Hot, bubbly, baths are already in, as are the leafy walks in the woods. Getting outside always lifts our mood and, as we live in an Edwardian property, sometimes it’s actually warmer outside...
2. Review - During the quieter moments, I’m taking time to review what we have done, what we haven’t, and what we will need to. I’m usually a list maker, but this fell by the wayside this summer. In our case, I do think I missed a trick by not documenting, in some way, the things we did do. Our memories have become a bit of a blur and though it might feel like we’ve ‘done nothing’, it’s highly likely that it’s far from the truth. I have decided that there’s still time to do some crafting and chart a fun memory board of things we did do. We can pull up some of the many photographs I have take on my ‘phone, mid-adventure, and collage the summer. It’s one more activity to pass the time, and will also let us review what we enjoyed and what we missed out on. With just less than a week to go of the holidays there’s a chance we can still fit a few of the last ones in. For me personally, it will be a little more serious. It's time to take a more in-depth review of financial planning and professional next steps. I know I won't be able to resist using the kind of stationary that makes my heart all goo-ey, just to lighten the mood a little...
3. Revise - In some ways, it was as simple as getting out the autumn wardrobe, wrapping ourselves in big socks and cardigans and laundering the fluffy throws ready for snuggling down on the sofa. We’ve aired the ‘big coats’ and started planning all the windy walks that will blow cold air through our souls. We weren’t ready for the change, it snuck up on us a little, but there’s no reason not to enjoy the good bits now we’re here.
It’s time to start subtly changing my daughters routine to make it easier to merge in to the school term one. Routine helps her immeasurably, she treats it like a security blanket, but it's also time to use this to step back up a gear with my own endeavours, which have had to operate at a lower level whilst she’s been home all day. It’s time for us both to move on up.
Part of this process has been a big de-clutter of the home. I’ve always been someone for pretty and vintage ‘stuff’. My home is far from minimalistic in design and beautiful things make me smile but, with so much on my plate at this time, I’m seeing the potential benefits of paring down and clearing out. It isn’t going to be easy, but I started slowly and I’m starting to get in to a rhythm. One or two things at a time, being sure I’m happy to part with it (it’s obviously easier if it’s for money), and I think I’m already feeling the benefits.
As long as I don’t start experiencing 'sellers remorse' somewhere down the line, it’s helping with a sense of an ‘autumn clean’ and taking us both literally and figuratively in to a new season. It’s also starting to show other benefits, like making tidying up a little lighter on the load, and I am all for that. If you are contemplating something similar, and there are some family items you don’t need but are nervous of parting with, you can always consider gifting redundant but cherished items to a loved one. Choose the candidate carefully, mind, and be prepared that they might not have the same emotional connection to the item that you have. Once you’ve handed it over, it’s theirs to do as they will. Their will might not align with yours. I reflected honestly on some items and admitted to myself that Grandma wouldn't be quite so precious and would likely take no time in telling me to take that cash.
Perhaps not surprisingly, as I’m going through the physical de-clutter, I’m going through a mirrored mental declutter. Focusing on what my revised priorities are and what can ‘fall’ by the way side in this season of my life, however jarring, can only be a good thing. You use this to make 'the list' - the things you think could take you forward through this season and get you ready for the next one - again both literally and figuratively.
4. Realise - Easier said that done this one. Take your priorities with your action plan/to-do list and start working your way through. It's time to change shape and grow.
I’m not quite here/there yet, but that’s my challenge this coming season. Wish me luck and, if you're in a similar boat, I offer the same to you...
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As always, if you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this piece, please consider whether you would benefit from accessing relevant support.
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