How ‘narrating’ your life can give you another perspective.

Have you ever had a scenario, be it work or personal, where you don’t quite understand someone’s actions but you’re not in a position to bounce ideas of someone else?

Perhaps their behaviour, or response to a situation, just doesn’t make sense to you and your instinct is to talk it though with someone, but you’re conscious that it isn’t really appropriate to do so. Be it a confidentiality, professionalism, or trust issue, sometimes there are reasons why we can’t use others as a sounding board and, as a result, it can sit in your head and stew a little too much.

Does this resonate at all?

Now, to be clear, I’m not talking about instances where welfare and safety is in question. In those cases, you must seek out appropriate professional help. I’m talking about the situations where we feel like we don’t understand a motive behind someone’s actions, be it a colleague at work, a client, or an employer. It might even be a loved one experiencing some personal issues. Their response is one that doesn’t make sense to us, at first assessment, but we’d like to understand a little better.

Have you thought about writing that scenario like a scene or a chapter in a book?

Picture it, and write the detail. It doesn’t have to be word for word, not many minds are that good at recollection, but draw on what you do recall, and write it down like a chapter in your book.

Describe that character. How were they standing, what did their facial expressions do? How is it different to their normal behaviour? Take a step back and be a narrator.

... Her feet moved just slightly as she spoke. The smallest of movements were giving her a little sway, as she shifted her balance, but it wasn’t a comfortable, gentle movement. Nervous energy silently tapped on to the stone tile floor, but her eyes never once looked down...

You can describe what YOUR character is saying, doing and feeling, how you reacted to the behaviour of the other character of it helps, but focus your efforts describing that character from a narrators perspective. Consider what they did say, and what they left out. Look at them more objectively.

... the words typed were specific, clearly thought through, yet they told more than what was written because of topic she had chosen not to mention....

Write their story in that moment. To be clear, it is a story. You don’t know what they were thinking, what prompted their actions, but it can be a really useful tool to help you distance yourself from your emotions in the moment and see signs that you didn’t see before. It’s looking at the situation from a different lense.

If you’re a writer or budding writer, the extra bonus is that it’s material you can squirrel away for, or squeeze right in to, your next piece.

This week, this tip ‘worked’ for someone who had never tried this approach before. They felt that it brought nuances they hadn’t thought of immediately, generated more empathy and grace, and was even a nice technique to relax and clear a mind. A little bit of peace in a storm.

I’m not claiming this as a guaranteed fix, it’s just something you could try. It might be for you, it might not.

At the end of the day, if you really want to know why someone did what they did - you have to ask them. Just remember, not everyone answers with all of the truth, all of the time.

Now, the disclaimers:

• You might already do this, and if so, this lets you know you’re not alone. It might also be a tip you could share with others.
  

• You might have heard about this, but not tried it. If so, why not take this as prompt to give it a go? If nothing else, you get a bit of ‘sit down and contemplate’ time in what is bound to be a hectic day.
  

• You might have never heard of this before and if so, you could always take a moment and see how it works for you. Personally, I’m a big fan.

But the most important one :

• I am not a health and well-being professional. As always, if something is troubling you, please consider whether you think you would benefit from getting relevant support. https://helplines.org/helplines/

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#narrateyourlife #adifferentperspective #highcroftwriting

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