No wrong path - Managing change you did not expect.

Social media is trending #nowrongpath today, to remind students getting their results that there are many ways to achieve success in life.

It is also important, however, to remember that this applies to life in general. Good advice is for life and is not just for exam results day.

Wherever we are in our lives, sometimes news hits us like a bolt out of the blue and we are not as prepared to manage it as we would have been, had we had time to plan. Thrown in at the deep end, it inevitably feels daunting and hard.

So, in honour of #nowrongpath, here are my top 5 things that have helped me manage through unexpected and enforced change.

1. Hold on to your stability.

Even when unexpected change rocks your ship, there will usually be something in your life that will keep stable. Sometimes it is the thing that you have to keep stable for. Maintain that. Even if you will choose to change it in the future, maintain it for now. Routine helps.

For those with dependents (whether children, parents, employees, pets), or other responsibilities, this is usually your stability line. You need to maintain as much normality and routine for them as possible and whilst this can feel hard when all you want to do is drown in the thoughts of this shock change, having a focus and a routine can actually be the part of the day that gives your brain a break from wondering. It allows it to focus on something concrete.

Don’t forget that other people can be your stability, your guide rope, too. You may choose to manage a change alone, and that’s ok, but remember that there is support there if you need it. Even if it feels like you are alone, you can reach out. Not everyone will, or can, reach back. We are all managing our own journeys, but don’t let that stop you reaching out if you need it. Whether it’s family and friends, connections on the internet, or professional services, you don’t have to do it alone. You can ask people to help, you can equally ask people to back away. There will be stages to the change. Find your guide rope and hold on to it until you are back in less stormy waters.

2. Honour your feelings.

Change is always personal. Honour your feelings - whatever you are feeling. It’s not a good idea to act on every one of them, and sometimes you won’t feel so proud of them, but you should listen to them. You don’t have to tell people everything you’re feeling, but you have to be honest with yourself or you won’t be able to move forward. Most of the feelings you will experience will pass over time, and it is OK to hate the thought of a change at the beginning and love the positive impact it has had at the end. You weren't wrong in how you first felt, you were honest about how it made you feel at the time and you have made the best of an enforced change. Your feelings are allowed to change.

3. Honour your body.

As you go through change, your body will go through change too. You will go through stages where you are scared or nervous and you will struggle to sleep. You will go through stages where you are driven and excited, and will also struggle to sleep. You will then, in gaps in between, be physically exhausted and just want to sleep. Listen to your body and ride its waves. Your stages will not necessarily match those of anyone else’s. That’s ok. Prioritise what responsibilities you have and then give yourself permission to meet your physical needs. You will not get though the change process if you are burnt out.

4. Prioritise and reprioritise.

As mentioned in point 3, you will need to take a look at what you already have on your plate and re-prioritise. Not many people can take on a change dropped in their lap from a great height and find they have space in their day to manage it without dropping anything else. People are usually juggling just enough to get through the day as it is and being thrown one more is not going to be an easy transition. You can choose to hand over some responsibilities to others, do some tasks less often or to a lesser extent, or put them on hold for a while. You will know what’s best for your own situation. It might not be a perfect solution but it just needs to get you through this time of change.

This can apply to finances as much as to tasks. In a time of enforced change your finances can take a big hit too. There’s no shame in that. Deciding how and where to put the money you do have is about re-prioritisation and whilst asking for support to push on through can sometimes bring a mental burden, it is an option you should not reject out of hand if it is there. Consider all the options, the positives and negatives, and prioritise as you see best fit. Don’t forget that priorities can change all the time. Just because it worked for you last week, doesn’t mean you can’t reprioritise today. Change is constant, life is not. With new information you can revisit and revise previous decisions and priorities. It doesn’t mean your last decision was wrong, it just means that this one is better for now.

5. Find the opportunity.

Somewhere in any enforced change there is an opportunity. It will be personal. It will be for you. Find it. It doesn’t have to be a top priority right now, but find it and pin it. Keep looking for it and at it. Keep it in sight. It will give you focus beyond the required responsibilities and it will give you hope. If you can see light at the end of the tunnel, the journey isn’t quite as dark.

I wish you much success on your journey and, as always, if you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this piece, please consider whether you would benefit from accessing relevant support. See https://helplines.org/helplines

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