Positive change shouldn’t look like punishment.

I was in conversation with a friend recently and it ended up hitting a passion point with me - the psychology of change. It’s some time since I’ve done any detailed work in this area, so nothing I said was textbook, but the simple aspects still apply and it had me ruminating.

Change is challenging at the best of times - even when you know you want, or need, to change. You can dream of a future that looks different and still find it draining.

If you don’t want change, or don’t see the value of it, then there’s a good chance you are going to be stubbornly resistant to it.

In this case, a group of ‘do-ers’ had been advised that they needed to stop what they were doing, and had happily been doing for years, and instead focus on ‘working on themselves’ before considering restarting their regular activities.

Now, if you don’t want change, and don’t think things need to change, being told that it’s actually you that needs to change is going to be offensive. Whether it’s meant that way, or not, it’s how it will sound. Feeling insulted is hardly going to make you enthusiastic about the change ahead, now is it? But, that’s not all.

We also talked about the concept of routine and mental load. Routine events mean at least two things:

1) You don’t really have to expend much mental energy over routine activities. Routine is mainly powered through memory. You don’t have to actively think about it. Memory does the work for you.

2) If you’ve chosen to keep doing it (you’re not being forced) then likely you enjoy it and therefore it’s then also a form of mental support/comfort.

All in all, these activities bring positive value for minimal effort. You’ve got a high mental win for low mental cost.

Mental load is always greater in change. Telling people they need to give up the routine for something new does two things:

A) removes the comfort blanket which requires little mental load, whilst it

B) increases their mental load (having to think outside normal routine) and, potentially, adds some stress and anxiety.

Every change, even if it’s the really good sort, requires some mental load, but if you’re excited about the change then it’s a price you’re willing to pay.

Whilst you want those people most affected by any change to be actively involved in making it happen, so they feel some ownership, you ideally want to minimise the mental load of the people who don’t want the change. The majority of the mental load should be taken on by the people who are eager / hungry for the change. When the initially sceptical become the passionately converted, you can always increase their responsibilities but it’s not a good idea to overwhelm them at the beginning.

If the change they don’t want requires increased mental load for them, they’ll want it even less and won’t see the benefits of the change (even though they might very well be there). It generally takes longer for them to see the eventual benefits (if they ever are willing to at all) and can also prompt them to sabotage the change (whether consciously or subconsciously).

Perhaps my key point is positive change shouldn’t look like punishment.

It led to a really interesting discussion, and a positive shift in their approach. It came up again today, so I thought I’d share. You might be able to tell I’m passionate about this sort of thing. I think I’ll get off my soap box now and go and get a coffee.

☺️

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@highcroftwriting

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