The 4 R's - Dealing with disappointment.

Sometimes life hints that there is an opportunity laying itself out before you and there follows a little bit of joy and maybe a bigger bit of expectation. There might even be a little happy dance.

Some other times, it falls through and you’re left with disappointment.

Even though you never actually had it in the palm of your hand, or in your bank account, you lost the promise of it and that can sting.

In these cases, after I’ve picked my heart out of my stomach, I tend to fall back on the 4 R’s...

1. Reflect

Although many people will tell you not to take it personally, you’re going to have to ignore them and be honest with yourself. You ARE going to take it personally, it is personal to YOU. There will be negative emotions, because you’re human. You don’t need to pretend they aren’t there, but you do need to manage their impact. Not everything will work every time. Life can be a pain like that. Not everyone will like everything you do every time. You need to understand what it is that about this disappointment that’s really troubling you and keep working on addressing those things. Do not give up because of one disappointment. Use it. 

2. Review

Review your situation. Review your options. Why did it fall through this time? What do you need? What did you like or love about the opportunity you’ve just missed, but also what did you not like? Try and avoid those elements this time around. However resolute our original intentions, we do tend to compromise to get a deal. Make the most of the lost opportunity and make a concerted effort to design those compromises out this time around. Go out and look at other options. Take a re-look at one’s you might have previously dismissed. Things might have changed for them as they have for you. This one wasn’t successful, but it was useful as a learning expertise. People pay to learn... This loss may well have cost you, both in money and in opportunity, and, if so, think of it as your paid for lesson. So, what did you learn? Perhaps it’s time to try an alternative approach. Look at it with fresh eyes and from a different angle.

3. Revise

Take the learning from steps 1 and 2 and start building a revised plan of action. OK, so I’m a fan of the good old plan. It gets my head in order as well as my actions.

Tinker, twiddle, or even rip it up and start again, but have one. Use what you’ve learnt from reflecting and reviewing. Thankfully, the revised option after a disappointment can often turn out to be better than the original proposal.

4. Realise.

You have a revised plan of action. Realise it.

Get on with whatever you need to do. 

Well, that’s what I’ve been telling myself today...

As always, if you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this piece, please consider whether you would benefit from accessing relevant support. See https://helplines.org/helplines #highcroftwriting #words #changemanagement #managingchange #personalchange #managingpersonalchange #fridayfeeling #dealingwithdisappointment #disappointment #nowrongpath